I was dying On the inside and nobody cared

My depression sank in about a month ago again before this I felt like I conqured it and won the war, but sadly I was mistaken. This round of depression is different, because I feel truly broken, I feel like I lost my sense of purpose and have no hope. The depression has pushed me into the hole again, and it has left me crippled.

About four months ago I left my state that I lived my entire life in and decided to move to across the country to Boston with my boyfriend to help him with grad school. He needed someone to go out there with and I thought I was abliged to be by his side, but little did I know he never wanted me to go out there in the first place. I remember his family begging me not to go out there and himself being perplexed on if he should or shouldn't go out there with me. Me being young and dumb I wanted to go out there and live in a different state across the country on my own, but I was in love and nineteen and dumb. I do look back on me moving out there and I feel like it was a mistake finacialy and mentally for myself and him. We wanted to do long distance but I remember how hard it was when he studied abroad for three months and I ultimately decided not to go that route. 

After we moved to Boston on August 21'st we stayed in several ABNB's and searched everyday for an apartment. Oneday we looked at this apartment and loved it, he didn't like the neighborhood but I liked the apartment itself so we decided to get it, I had the money and he had part of his and we met with the lanlord at the Haley house bakery so she could get to know us and sign the paper work. After we signed the paperwork we ended up paying her 5,000$ dollars to move in, I have never handed anyone that much money in my life and it was the start of something bittersweet. 

We then moved in a week earlier and