Right now I can feel my relationship crumbling beneath my feet. He doesn't respect me and I don't respect him, we both disrespect each-others boundaries. He's slowly has pushed me away and I've done the same exact thing to him. Right now it's only a matter of time before me and him cut the cord and call it quits. We have drifted so far apart that it would be a miracle for us to fix things. It hurts knowing this, all this time and effort on both sides has all gone to waste. Well actually I wouldn't call it a waste because I've learned so much about myself and have grown so much. It was just a heatwave, he was brought into my life for a reason and now it's time for a new chapter in my life.
One thing I have realized is that the only person who really has your back no matter what is your family. Sometimes families do get into fights but when it comes to blood it's true it is way thicker than water. Sometimes I wonder am I in this alone? but I do have an entire team behind my back if even I don't think so.
Have you ever loved someone so much that you feel so deeply connected to them? I'm feeling like this right now, it feels so uncertain. A part of me knows it's probably not going to work but my heart is telling me he is the love of my life. I just think it's scary that you can get so close to someone and they could just leave without even second guessing it. My biggest worry right now is myself cheating and him cheating, we have no trust in each-other. He has a good reason not to, I do some pretty fucked up shit to him and he also does some really sketchy stuff, probably not to the extent that I do but it's similar hence the lack of trust we have for each other. Either me and him work on trusting each-other or we call it quits.
Life is this crazy roller-coaster that everyone rides sometimes some people have a bumpier ride then others but in the end all that matters is were you happy? were you content with how you lived your life? Right now my life is uncertain and I have several paths I can take. The first path is following my dream of becoming an actor/model or working with computers my entire life. Yes I can do both but I want to eventually focus on one.
My mom and dads split has taken an emotional toll on me, just seeing two people who have been together for so many years (20 to be exact) and finally end their relationship. Being 18 I do feel like I have to grow up quick now because of what I was handed so early in my life. At the end of the day, I do feel like everything that I am going through will shape me into the man I want to become. All these trials are building me up into something greater then what I was before.
I feel myself growing every single day and sometimes I do have some setbacks but I know I am strong and will continue to fight until there is not battle to fight. Being dirt broke is something that I have never really experienced in my life but now that I see the affects of money on my entire way of life is really crazy. Everything in my life up until this point has been handed to me and now I am struggling to fly from the nest. My mom has not even offered any money to help me with anything that includes food.
My life up until now has been crazy, my past and present are clashing and it's crazy to see. Right now in my life I am pretty content with how things are going besides my mom leaving my dad. It's been a few weeks that my mom has moved out and when I think about it I do get sad but I do know it's for her own sanity. Right now me and Rory are doing okay but are relationship is on the verge of either being something amazing or it can all crash and burn. Me and him are arguing about the smallest things now and it's crazy to see how both of us care so much to let the littlest things bother us both. Me and my brother Dominic still haven't talked face to face besides the little run-in at my sister Jessica's BBQ. I finally got a job and it's going pretty awesome the people I work with are pretty cool. The only thing that is bothering my right now is Rory leaving to Spain, trust is a huge issue in our relationship and it continues to be so, trust will make are break us. The constant worry of me or him doing something is almost unbearable. The fact that he will be all the way across the world is scary to think about, 3 months away is a long time, I guess if it does happen then it does but why worry about something that is going to happen regardless?
My name is Jared, I am a 20 years old currently in college for computer science. I will be sharing my life in words, words are the most powerful tool that us humans have at our disposal.