I'm twenty years old now and I feel like everything is going okay, but it's probably because I am just going with the flow of life and trying to not worry about things that not an existential threat to me. Somewhere down the line I stopped giving a fuck about what others think of me and it was the most liberating feeling ever. Recently I started being honest with people about my feelings and it has pushed and pulled some people around. Being honest with yourself is a process and one that will go on for years and in-order to find your true self you must be broken and take the hits that life tosses at you. It's how you get back up from all those hits and push yourself through the dark clouds of despair.
When I was about five years old and my Mom gave up her carrier as a dental assistant to take care of her Mom who was dying. My grandma was 82 when she passed I was just 15 years old and I lived in that house for 80% of that time since I was 4 years old. She was one of those souls that wouldn't leave someones heart. I'm going to go into a story about what made me write this post about her today.
Working at my current job I recently talked to someone over the phone processing a sale who used to live on the next block to us and we started talking about how she knew my grandma and how her Mom who which she is taking care of now actually used to go to church with all of us even me as a kid. She mentioned it all in detail how she used to see my Mom and me always together, naturally this made my day to see my grandmas soul still living on. She also mentioned my grandmas other 5 daughters who which we don't speak to anymore because after my Grandma passed away there was a huge legal battle over the inheritance.
This battle lasted over six months with my family all going to mediation, it was my Mom 1 V.S all 5 of her sisters which were accusing her of some very nasty things that we will go into detail about. We were a semi-happy family that all seemed happy and content with each-other but when my Mom started taking care of my grandma something shifted a few years later, my Mom started controlling all her finances because my grandma trust in my Brother and her to do what was right with the money. My brother lived with us for a good 4 years through the 12 something years we lived there. He saved and built his wealth up while my Mom took care of my grandma, keep in mind I was there on the side lines living with them all. After my brother moved in my Mom got clear headed on what to do with my grandmas money after she passed, my grandma trusted my mother with it all because none of my grandmas daughters would come take care of her, only sometimes would they drop in when they weren't busy with work or their busy lives.
My Mom came to me one night looking so scared like she got the worst news possible. My grandma's doctor gave her a year to live. I didn't believe the news at first but eventually my grandma would be diagnosed with dementia a disease that eats at your memory and you forget who the people closest to you are. Let's not forget she had rheumatoid arthritis a bone crippling disease that eventually will glue you to a wheel chair. The wheel chair eventually became her second bed, she would eventually eat and learn to love this annoyance of a chair. After awhile she started forgetting who we were and started freaking out because she did not know who we were. All while this was happening her bones started shifting over the last years of her life to the point we would have to feed her and bathe her. It was a living nightmare to see the woman I grew up walking my nephew and me to school every morning with ease.
After the news she was dying I started failing my classes in junior year in high school. This was all to much for me...
To be continued...
My name is Jared, I am a 20 years old currently in college for computer science. I will be sharing my life in words, words are the most powerful tool that us humans have at our disposal.