I'm sitting here writing this after another horrible day with Rory. My mind is tired and drained from fighting with him everyday.
Today started off to a bad start because of many reasons. First off during sex this morning I had my arm hand around his neck, this might sound a little weird but he usually finds it hot, but apparently I was doing it to hard this time. Yet he waited a few minutes laters to tell me I was doing it to hard. Why would he wait so long to tell me it was hurting him? how am I supposed to read his mind?
After this we ended up finishing having sex after he got mad and got 'turned off' his own words. He was in a rush to leave and I got mad at him because how he was acting and I grabbed him while he was still naked and tried kissing him and he laughed and so did I. He then got mad because he was late and blamed it on me even though he wanted to go to bed at 2am while I passed out at 11pm way earlier then him.
After we finished having sex and wasting time I asked him a second time to help me cut my hair in the back where it looked a little ruff, he complained that he would be late and told him it would take only a minute. He then went into the bathroom and I handed him the clippers he then shaved part of my hair in the back off and it hurt really bad and I looked at him like 'what the fuck did you just do?' I closed the door and cried on the toilet seat hoping he would come back in and tell me sorry and wish me luck on my interview(the reason I asked him to cut the back of my hair) I cried for about ten minutes until going out there realizing he was already gone.
After I realized he was gone I cried and it ruined my day even more. About an hour goes by and he texts me at 9:05am "I'm sorry Jared for getting you with the clippers. I was in a rush." and I didn't even reply because I was still furious at him. He then calls me at 1:20pm asking how my interview went, I then express my feelings to him and to fuck off and that I didn't want to hear his bullshit apology with him saying we both were rude to each other, this all was after his third call.
For years I had a therapist to help me with the issues of life, but now I sit here on couch in Boston, MA across the country for my family and friends. Right now my life feels so unknown. Why am I here in this city? what is the point of being here? work? school? all these are the questions I am asking myself.
Will my depression get worse being here, I don't want to leave the house due to the environment I am in. I've never been around so many black people in my life, now I am finally feeling how they feel.
My name is Jared, I am a 20 years old currently in college for computer science. I will be sharing my life in words, words are the most powerful tool that us humans have at our disposal.